Truars and Liars
* : Omg, it's going to be so much fun! * : I knoiow! Oi heard the new FancyBlast is going to rock our socks off! * : Yeah, like, because none of us wear socks … [Everyone looks at Pen] … regularly. [Meanwhile, with Pen.] * : Thanks for the link! Bye, Firey. * : See you when? * : Ever. [Exit Firey. Pen walks over to the girls.] * : What's going on here? * : Oi, Pen! [she kisses him] * : Nyeh! * : Nyeh! * : We are just talking about the new roller coaster at Drowsyland! * : Oh, I hear it's going to be great. * : 'Ear? Me liege, I am so goin' to thet this weekend! * : We already went! * : So did Oi! * : I'm going on Saturday! * : And I am choosing to go whenever our school band actually does well.Ayy! * : I've 'earen thet'e shows the history of elegance down to the cave-objects! Oogaeth. * : Honey, only the wealthy care about that. * : Ayy! * : Pencil, do you really think you can go with me to Drowsyland? * : O' course! Me mum'll definitely says aye! * : Yay! * : * : Oh, come on! Please let me skip it! * : Eu não vou deixar você perder a festa de María! * : Which María? * : Ex-proprietário do cão do namorado da filha da irmã da minha mãe. * : And that isn't enough for us to miss Drowsyland? * : Vai, e vai fingir que gosto, como sou! * : Aww, kumquat! * : Ha … kumquat … * : So how was your weekends, I know mine was flippity-fantastic, no questions. * : Wait, you didn't ask Pencil! Never mind, I'll ask her. Pencil— * : It was great! * : Did you go to Drowsyland? * : Well … Think of an excuse … think of an excuse … oh, if it weren't fer thet stupid Drowsylan' I'd … Wait in jus' 'ale's name! I wen', thet's fer sure. * : Really? How was the FancyBlast? * : It was terrible! Wors' ride I ever experienced! *'Everyone': What? * : I hearen creaks all over. 'Twas unorganised as a war zone. An' the wors' part of all? * : [excited] What was it? * : The girls in th' exhibition were SHOWIN' THEIR ANKLES! [Match, Bubble and Ruby scream in terror.] * : THEY. DID. NOT. * : How scandalous! * : I think I'm going to throw up! * : This is ridiculous; none of us wear clothes that cover the upper part of our feet … [Everyone looks at Pen] … regularly. * : [grumbles] Every time ... [The bell rings. Everyone goes in different directions, leaving School Paper behind in shock.] * : Pen? * : [bluntly] What do you want, Palsson? * : I was … um … wondering if … you think … we can be friends! * : Yeah yeah yeah, wait. You want us to be friends? You took my girlfriend into a closet, left her there all bloody (and I mean that adjectivally) and then called me the reincarnation of digital artwork. Deal's off, bro. * : But I'm not thinking of you yet, I just want to be friends! * : If you wish … * : Oh, boy, this is so excited! So what's my first mission? * : Hmm … I could give you some study skills! * : Yay! I'm failing most of my classes anyways. * : Well, I found this really cool website that gives you the * : Damashneye zadaniye? * : * : NYET! [She goes to the next person.] * : answers to any test that they give at this school! * : Oh my papersacks, how cool! * : Yep. It helped me cheat ever since the Internet came about!Actually, he got it from Firey the Friday before. * : By then weren't you too old? [At this point, Pen is grabbing Paper on both sides.''It's not out of love … I think.] * : Listen, Palsson, I'm not playing any games with you right now. Do ''not tell anyone about this, you got that? And if you do try and tell someone about this, I will literally [Paper laughs.] * : What, what's so funny? * : You're gripping me so tight, it feels so satisfying! Mogu li ya byt' vashim rabom? ?}} (not profanity, but still inappropro in-context and I don't mean the Trophy-kind) * : No, that's Trophy's job. * : Yeah, and we need to keep this G-rated, the censors don't want this to be any more yaoi than it is already. [Ruby pops out of the trash can.] * : Did someone say yaoi? * : Attention, all students. Please head to your home room class today. Thank you! * : What's going on? * : Yeah, it's a Monday! * : 'Oever cares about thet now, we've got to get ter 'ome room before we get expelled! * : Omg! * : Okay, children. * : Why are we here? * : I don't know, I am not teaching on the origin of life, that's the next quarter. Now excuse me whilst I play with my cell phone. * : Okay, then … [Meanwhile with Match, who is sitting behind Pencil, Pen and Book with Bubble and Ruby, she notices that Bubble and Ruby are talking with each other.] * : [to someone behind her] Hey. [The person behind her notices.] * : * : Y'know, I've never, like, talked to you before! I didn't even know you were in my class! * : , I usually never get to speak to one of the popular girls. * : I'm, like, popular, omg, you're too kind! * : [flatly] I get that a lot. So, why are you talking to me? This seems like one of those schemes they have on Farafalla. * : ? * : Farafalla. It's a very hilarious Swedish comedyNot really. that I try not to laugh to. Everyone else in this class knows this. *'Everyone else': Det bästa stället att förvara potatisen är i lastbilen! * : Weird. Anyways, I was just talking to you because I want … er … to go on a date! You're cute and pleasant and come from a country that's the same longitude where I was born! * : What the köttbulle are you talking about? * : Sweden is a lovelylicious city! One time I went skiing there and I yodelled, which my brother/boyfriend Eraser said was really bad and then I caused an avalanche and milacurously all of the snow fell on my brother or my BFF Pencil's boyfriend Pen like it always did'XV 0435'; it was wonderful. After that we visited the capital of Sweden, which is, like, Moscow! * : Och jag tänkte att amerikanerna var dåliga i geografi. Fine, I'll go on a date with you. * : Yay! I think you've cured my boy fever. * : We're going to binge watch Farafalla because we hate ourselves and then if you like it I think I'll start liking you more than hating you! * : Omg, this isn't, like, math class silly! [She turns to Pencil] * : Wow, y've got yerself a date! Better work on yer Swedish fer the marathon! * : Alright, class, you are now dismissed. * : But the bell don't ring until seven minutes, yeah? * : The bell don't do the dismissy thing with you — I do. [everyone gets up] Don't forget to get a copy of the Object Times! [Only Pencil gets one.] * : Blah blah blah blah message blah blah blah words blah blah— * : Um, Miss Solarium, are you really going to say "blah blah blah"? * : Yeah, as a major advocate for the English language I take great offence to that. [Solarium and Book argue for a bit.] * : Omg, Pencil! You actually got a newspaper? * : I thought that was only for illiterates who pretend to not be. * : I know, but I'm on the cover! * : Cool! Let me read! * : Really? * : Uh … let Match do the reading! * : "Drowsyland possibly under flame for angry claim: Pencil Triángolo, class of 2008, states that the FancyBlast ride at Drowsyland Park has fallen in disuse, despite existing for a record of a few milliseconds after her claim." * : Wot the— * : Wait, there's more. "'Worst ride she ever experienced', 'creaks all over', 'a war zone', here are some of the words the young Britoness expressed in disdain. We are expected to meet the CEO of Drowsyland Inc. this Sunday due to the park's strict report-after-a-week policy." * : This is terrible! * : Terrible? * : I mean amazin', those blokes at FancyBlas'll get their right for real, oi! * : Class, you now know the drill, let us be relaxful of our energies and study under the silent peacefulness. * : My goodness, this is exciting! * : How? * : You usually cry before all these tests and curse objectkind for placing you on this cruel earth— * : And then rejoice in anger when you realise you got a 50% instead of the 48% you deserved. * : Okay, I know I've done blunders in the past, but now I got my perfect weapon! * : Knife? * : No, silly! I got the answers-ay o-tay e-thay est-tay. * : Oh, real-ay? * : Check this out. [He shows Knife the link. He examines it.] * : Hmm … freetestanswers.aq … upih … 2007 … this is the exact same website I use! What kind of snoop was dumb enough to give you that website? * : Here's a hint: begins with P, ends in En. * : Pyren, the Bulgarian exchange student? * : No, Pen! * : That "conceited hoodlum who loves your love whilst being simultaneously in love with him" yourself? * : Yeah, no need to quote me. * : I don't trust that guy so much. You know our fathers were enemies back in Israel, where they lived and competed. * : And your tests. Good luck and I hope that you will have studied! [Paper looks at his exam paper smugly – he fills in his test angrily for some reason.] * : Now, , when my boyfriend comes over, be on your best behaviour. * : Does that mean I can't spy on you and post video on that jmumk blog website again? * : I don't think, wait, what? * : I'll just be in the study when he comes. [The doorbell rings.] * : WHAT!? [she gives Match a thumbs-up. Match replies with the censored finger] Easy there, Match, with that attitude you'll lose a date faster then the kugel you'll eat after he dumps you faster than the kugel you'll eat after he finds out what an insane mother who made the kugel that you'll eat— * : Go! * : I gotta greet the goy guy first! [Match opens the door.] * : , Match and mother. I have come to spend the date night with you, have I reached the wrong house? * : No no, you've reached my house. * : Oh, so you're the nice German boy my Matchisa's been annoying me with descriptions about! * : , I'm actually Swe. * : Wow! I'll just be letting you know, my daughter and I have a very special Jewish connection so do me a favour and think before giving me a son who doesn't want to learn the language of our ancestors— * : Okay, mother, that's enough. Bye! * : [walking away] There's kugel on the table— * : Go! [to SG] Sorry, my mother is, like, totally a cray-cray. * : I like her. * : So do I. * : What do you wear, did a tree fall on some cubist piece? * : No, it's my dress! [she rips it in half] Take that, precious family heirloom! * : Now I do not mean to sound rude, but may we watch Farafalla now? * : Sure, like, what's the channel? * : Swedevision. * : Okay. [she goes through all of the television channels] I can't find it. * : Do you have a computer? * : Yeah! [she gets Ari's work laptop] This is mine, by the way. * : May I use it? * : Yeah, we have, like, Setflix so you can just look on there. * : [looking through the international keyboards] English, Greek, Hebrew, Polish, Norwegian, Danish, Finnish … what were you, anti-Swedish? * : No, bae, I would never be. * : [confused] I'll just install one on the fly. * : Sweden, Sweden, Swedish. I've always wanted to be, like, a Swedish supermodel, because apparently the media makes them out to be di''vine''. But in Sweden, do you call them supermodels or something like that in the Swiss language? Y'know, Swiss models do so much service to the world, like, walk around in outfits that you'd never see in Kenya… I think it's because the weather in Sweden is so so so good! And, like, if I were a Swedish supermodel, I think I'd be shunned so much just because I was Jewish. But not because of anti-Semitism. I know this doesn't make, like, any sense and all, but in Swissland they are mostly Christian, and that means that they will celebrate stuff like Christmas and Easter and I'll be the one left in the dust because I didn't remember what to bring the Easter bunny on his birthday, and I can't do that! Y'know, being a Swiss supermodel would be so much fun if you could be not just accepted by your fans but by the people who you're working with. And that's why I really don't feel like being a Swedish supermodel after what they said they were going to do anyways, but I still want to give out to the world by wearing so much beautiful clothing, and beautiful clothing should be worn by me out of the select few beautiful people on this doshgarn planet, do you know what I mean? * : No! * : It's okay, you don't have to know what I mean. * : No, as in that we've missed the first segment of Farafalla! * : Omg! * : What is it? * : I've been talking so much that it pretty much distracted us from our date! I should really be, like, more considerate about who I'm talking to. * : That's so true. Hey, where's your father? * : Trying to bail my brother out of jail. He crashed a car into the school's testing room. * : Sweet. Now please be quiet, Farafalla is back on. * : Och ändå min Otto dog utan en återställnings-licens! * : Vi saknar honom så mycket! * : What? Otto Olsson died? He was the protagonist! Åh nej, nu är de kommer att ändra denna show i en tragedi! Isn't this bad, Match? ... Match? * : Omg, Bubble can't make milk come out of her soap increments! That is so funny! * : Öm, Match, the show? * : Oh yeah, like, funny stuff. * : Hell''o'', someone's dead! I see no way how that can be funny. * : Dead? What kind of comedy is this? That's it, I'm leaving! [She exits her house. SG exits in the other direction quietly, mumbling something in Swedish.] * : Wait, this is my house! Silas Ordon, there's some of my mother's kugel … Sindless? , he's left. [She gets out her phone.] * : [popping her head out of the door] Bae means poop in Scandinavian. * : Mum! * : Tell me, boy. * : What is it? * : Why'd we come to a 1950s diner on study night, this place is full o' nerds! * : You might not want to say that out loud … I'm inclined to find a rubbish bin and throw someone into it– not that I'd do so! And besides, I think we both came here because of that text we sent. [Flashback to earlier.] : : [texting, not spoken] Pen can u do sthg w me 2nite im feeling stressed : : ditto, sure thing. Haroldine's @5? : : Ye : : I will tell you my problem later : : Sounds good to me! Not the problem jus the prospevt of meeting up together 大好キワヨ～～ �������� love you bae ✒️❤️��������✏️�� [End flashback.] * : Oh, thet makes sense. So wot's your problem? * : I— * : Your duo spaghetti is here. * : K, thanx! * : Damn new language. * : Shall we eat'e together? * : No way, it's burning hot! * : Eat'e with me! * : Righto. * : So, wot was thet thing ye was so worried o' … y'know the one where ye texted me? * : You really want me to say it? * : Go on! Nobody's starin' thet's got a chance of a social life. * : Exactly what I was thinking. * : Oh, we are similar! [about to kiss] * : Ain't y'all gonna snogOops, forgot to remember that Americans don't say snog. durin' Study Monday! * : Sorry, ma'am. * : Mea culpa. [Exit Caldera.] * : So this spaghetti … * : Don' change the subject on me, male, I want to know yer secret! * : Okay … female … but I want you to tell your problem with me, so it's fair. * : [sigh] Wot y'says be lore anyways. * | }}: * : Wait, wot, ye tricked Paper? * : Of course! * : Then it doesn' matter; we both 'ate'e! * : I know that, but I'm worried. What if Paper does something wicked to us … like spread rumors about me, or try to sabotage our date again, or call me ugly! * : Mbae, all o' those options sound 'orrendous, but I'm sure the way ye threatened'e'd makes'e shut up, yeah? * : I do believe that is an option. * : Oi, wot about my problem? * : We don't have enough time for that! * : Hey, Paper, we're getting our tests back today! * : Wow! I am so going to have it having been done having been at, like, a 100%. * : Did you really not listen to Knife's words yesterday? * : Knife's late, again. * : Probably on some business adventure with his shady crew. * : Maybe. * : class, we are going over our test. * : Ooh, I am so going to ace this! * : Paper, I need to talk to you. * : Yay! * : Never mind, I shall speak it out loud in public. Paper, you got the worst score in the class. * : What? Gasp! I never knew! * : Well, now you do. Paper, you got a 0. Mahatma Gandhi did not live at the same time period as Mohenjo Daro, and Benazir Bhutto was not from Nepal. You are a failure to this class; I'd ground you, but I'm neither a pooey animation nor your parent. * : But that test takes up 90% of the class marks! Which class includes a test that involves two thousand years of Indian history? * : This one. Now … * : [angry] Schreiber, I will get my revenge. * : Penélope, nós estamos indo para Draucilândia! * : Sweet, wot for? * : É o governo. * : Wot 'appened? * : Eu não sei, mas parece que eles querem que você lá. Você com certeza é popular, assim como sua mãe. * : Oh, great ... * : Now I know why we're 'ere. * : Funny that they let us in without any fee! * : What's the occesion, Penc? * : Eggs. Thet's wot'e be. Eggs. * : Enquanto os ovos não têm ratos neles, vou ficar bem. * : Mother, rats don't lay eggs. * : No offence, but that was so far from science that even Pencil could notice it. * : Aye … oi! [Helmet shows up with a microphone.] * : Miss Triángolo … * : Não se atreva a tocar a minha filha! * : Sorry, I can not understand you! I was just interviewing her for the show on the allegations she had spoken a week ago, at this very park, in this very country, on this very planet, in this very solar * : We get it! * : But we don't get what happened last week. * : Pencil told an anonymous reporter at school that when she went to this park * : Which, in young people sprog, means "egg"! * : Penélope, sei que você ama Frederico, mas você não precisa para discutir o sistema reprodutivo, quando eu ainda não totalmente lhe disse sobre os pássaros e as abelhas! * : I'm going to pretend I never heard that … like everything I hear in a language I don't understand. * : S'aye, sir, I've went on the FancyBlast before. * : Não, você não tem. * : An' thet was me mum confirmin' thet I have gone on the ride, eh, mummy? * : Jesus doce em Israel, pensei que as pessoas ficaram loucos fora deste parque. * : I know it is not in the Roving News Reporter Code to say this out in the open, but I am noticing some social cues that most fictional characters would not. Are you sure that you actually went on this ride, or much to our dismay, to Drowsyland at all? * : O' course! I e'en got some souvenirs [pulls out an official Drowsyland snowglobe] with me righ' now! * : Two things – that souvenir says property of the Jinko Family 2003, and I know that you are lying, you've been lying throughout. I beg you good-do. * : Wait, ain't'e bid ye good … ne'er mind. Are you angry a' me, mum? * : Para ser honesto, é difícil dizer. Quero dizer, ninguém se machucou, e você basicamente nos ganhou todos um dia livre na Draucilândia! Então, Penélope, obrigado por ter mentido. * : My pleasures, mum. * : Hey! Since we know that the FancyBlast is not bad anymore, why don't we ride it? * : Okay! [Scene cut to the exterior of the FancyBlast, where Pencil and the family are screaming.] * : So how was your weekends, I know mine was flippity-fantastic, no questions. * : Didn't we already go over this, like, last week? * : I'm doing it again, whether you like it or, like, not! * : So Pencil, how was your weekend? * : Well, 't turned out me lie about the FancyBlas' was a fake, but then we actually rode the FancyBlas' an' the lie was actually true so me mum's anger was nullified! * : Told you you were right! * : Ye know about this? * : Of course! I was there last week and what you said sounded like a hoax – the girls weren't showing their ankles, it was the guys. * | }}: Oh! * : Ah! They. Did. Not. * : Well, I'm jus' glad thet everythin' did end up well. * : [furiously] Hey, Pen! * : And it just got better. * : Y- yes, how may I help you? * : Did you harm Paper? * : No, I wouldn't do that, my girlfriend, yes, but not me! * : In this school, professors take no lies – you gave Paper a zero on a test! * : Well, not exactly. Sure, it was indirect but you have no proof. * : Then why did Paper come into my office screaming, "PEN IS CHEATING! PEN IS CHEATING!" * : Maybe he could'a says * : NO. * : Wait, who oire you anywoys? * : Neve Ball, Paper's anger management professor and personal bodyguard. Also, I am related to one of the school's most dangerous goons, Snowball. * : Omg, no! * : I am Snowball's great great great great great great great grandson, and you're going down. * : But you can't beat me up! Corporal punishment in schools happens to be illegal! * : I am sure this is a metaphor for something. [Neve steps on Pen's foot.] * : Hey, watch it! [Exit Neve.] * : [to the girls] Thank goodness nobody else saw that … [sees Match holding her phone's camera at him] * : Special delivery to the Internet! * : Well, I guess that I've learned my lesson. * : Me too. When y'tell a lie, it will always end up true. * : That and give people their test answers, so all the punishment you get is a a broken foot and exposure on the Internet. * : You guys kill me. I love it! [Everyone laughs.] THE END Category:Episodes Category:Season 3 episodes Category:Pages with profanity